Sunday, June 07, 2009

I promise to do better.

I'm an awful friend.
I'm not saying this to get compliments or to make you make me feel better about myself. But seriously. I am so sorry. to anyone I may have been less than perfect of a friend to.

I have this horrible habit of forgetting peoples' birthdays. I hate that I can't remember, even with facebook's reminder list. sad. I hate that I can't afford to buy something seriously amazing (like fancy make-up, a spa day, a skydiving ticket, or anything else you may desire) for your birthday. I'm also sorry I'm not thoughtful enough to produce something seriously sentimental... like a homemade video of all of your friends and family telling you how truly amazing you really are. I think of doing these things, but the ideas slip through my fingers before I know what happened.

I want to cringe when I think of all of the beautiful things you have done for me and how you deserve so much more than I have given you.

For example.. that time I saw you on your birthday and didn't even remember. and you didn't tell me. I wanted to vomit when I realized it several days later.

I'm sorry I'm missing your wedding (even though it probably means more to me than to you).

I'm sorry I haven't been much support since I got married.. or even engaged.

I'm sorry I didn't call you on that day that changed our lives forever and taught us lessons we wished we didn't have to learn.

I'm sorry I haven't sent you a Thank You card yet, and probably never will.

I'm sorry I never acknowledged you for saving my wedding day.

I'm sorry I can't do for you all of the beautiful things you've done for me.

I'm sorry I didn't text you back.

I'm sorry I never call.

I'm sorry we haven't talked since High School.

I'm sorry.

But here's the thing. Despite my being hopelessly flawed. I L O V E Y O U , yes YOU, so so so much. If I could, I would give you everything you want and need. I'd hand craft a thank-you card every single day and send you notes of admiration in the mail. I'd throw you the biggest party you could imagine, with every person who loves you in attendence. I'd be there, sitting in the front row, cheering you on. If I could, I'd bake an ACE OF CAKES cake for you and deliver it myself (or leave it on your doorstep as a surprise). I'd buy you everything on your gift registry and fly anywhere you'd ask, just so I could hug you and tell you I love you. I'm proud of you and you mean the world to me. Yes, you do.

I'm a firm believer that we are all miracle-workers. We are instuments in His hands. How powerful is that? I also believe that every kind thought should be shared, and every kind deed that comes to mind should be delivered. I believe that life is beautiful, and we can each make it that way. I wish I lived this more.

I'll work on it. Really, I will.

5 comments:

Jordan said...

Girlfriend,
We all feel this way sometimes- some more often than others. I love you and know what's in your heart. You're amazing and I love you just the way you are. Thanks for the card-I'll open tomorrow and don't worry I'll have an awesome birthday!

Jenny Lee said...

i love you. i think you're amazing and i am so happy i met you and got to know you. i just had to say it. :)

Beth said...

I think we all feel that way, but I know that in a pinch my family and friends would come rushing to my side! That's what's important. I'm sending out some love to you right now...feel it??

Andrea said...

Oh Adri. I feel the same way A LOT. Especially when I think about how I missed yours and Casi's wedding. That makes me feel atrocious.
But I just want to make sure that you know if you need ANYTHING and I am able to help...I'll be there!

P.S. I miss you loads.

Sarah said...

I just cried.

But giirrrrl.

I do love you.

and I'm calling you soon so we can come visit you.